The Christian Home

delivered on Sept. 11, 2016

 Luke 11:28
28 But He said, “More than that, blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”

Our God always promises to bless joyful obedience. We delight Gods heart when we choose to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to do what He commands us to do. Today we will be focusing on “The Christian Home”. and what are Gods commands to the house that is built upon obedience to His will. Here is our verse…Our Lords Commands!

Colossians 3:18-21
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 

Before we jump into this practical passage, allow me to make some observations.

Our faith must come home with us. The true test of our relationship with Christ is how we relate to others. Or to say it another way, the home is the first place we test our newness in Christ as “God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved. If Jesus is supreme in your life, then it should show in how you relate to the members of your family. The followers of the Colossian heresy believed that true spirituality involved mysticism and confidential knowledge. Paul shows that faith must be lived out in the family. Jesus is referred to as “Lord” or “Master” seven times in these verses because His lordship finds conclusive expression in the day-by-day, routine relationships of life.

The issue is function, not inferiority. As we read in Colossians 3:11…

Colossians 3:11
11 where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all. 

Cultural, racial, and even gender distinctions are no longer obstacles when it comes to salvation. Everyone is equal in Christ regardless of status. Having said that, individuals have a role to play in the family of God. We’re all disciples of Christ with different responsibilities in our discipleship. For instance, the husband and wife are personal equals before God, but they each have different roles for functional purposes. The same is true for children and parents. This divine chain is meant to help the family run the most efficiently and effectively.

Relationships are meant to be reciprocal. Meaning, that they are given or felt by each toward the other, as mutual. The instructions in our text show a special concern for those who were looked down upon in the first century, wives, children, and slaves. 
It’s striking that Paul would even give them attention since the culture criticized these three groups of people. Christianity elevated women, valued children, and set things in motion to sabotage slavery. 

It’s also interesting to note that Paul admonishes those in authority as he tells husbands, fathers, and masters to be loving, kind, and fair. These pairs are to be studied together because the relationships are as one. We can’t talk about the responsibilities of the wife without clarifying the obligations of the husband.

Families need help today. I won’t take the time to quote statistics to prove to you what you already know, the family is under fire and home life is disintegrating. There is nothing more that makes the enemy happy, than to see a broken home.Since the very first institution that God founded was the family, we need to listen and apply what He has to say in the Bible. Just as He created various physical and natural laws by which the universe functions, so too, when God created the family He gave good guidelines and practical parameters to follow. If we ignore them, we do so at our own peril. I pray that you will listen with an open mind today in order to see how Christ’s supremacy deconstructs old habits of domination and exploitation and replaces them with loving leadership and gracious submission.

Let us begin with the first of the three relationships mentioned in our text…

The Bible views marriage as a partnership, with each partner filling certain roles…

Colossians 3:18
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

It begins with the duty of wives, Let me just say that there is probably no biblical teaching more controversial than that of a wife’s submission to her husband. Let’s clear up a few things in order to understand this more part of scripture accurately.

Nowhere does it say that a wife is to obey her husband. Children are to obey in verse 20 and slaves are to obey in verse 22, but wives are to submit. There’s a difference. This has application to wives in a marriage relationship, not to women in general. Both husbands and wives are to submit to the Lord and to each other. 

Ephesians 5:21
“submitting to one another in the fear of God”.

Oh by the way…this part of scripture on Ephesians is titled “Walking in love”.

The concept of submission is taught in many places in the Bible and does not mean slavery or imply inferiority. The Greek word means “to arrange one’s self under a delegated authority” and comes from the military world where soldiers were to be in order under the direction of their officer. This is similar to what Paul praised the believers for in Colossians 2:5… 
Colossians 2:5
5 For though I am absent in the flesh, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the steadfastness of your faith in Christ.
In another translation…”I delight to see how orderly you are” This is by means of walking in obedience to Gods commands.

In the home, the wife is to submit to the delegated authority of her husband. I recognize that some of you may feel irritated, or annoyed at this idea. Keep in mind..I’m just the messenger, and I was taught, not to water down scripture! If the Bible says it, then it shall be done! 

The reason for this submission is found at the end of verse 18: “As is fitting in the Lord.”

Colossians 3:18
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Another translation puts it this way: “This is what the Lord has planned for you.” A wife is to submit to her husband out of the same allegiance she shows to Christ. This is not a cultural deal but represents God’s sense of order in the marital relationship. That’s how He set it up at the very beginning as 1 Timothy 2:13 reminds us: “For Adam was formed first, then Eve.” Submission carries the idea of entrusting oneself to the leadership of another to accomplish a task. When a Christian woman is submitted to the Lord and to her own husband, she will experience a release and fulfillment that can come no other way. The end result will be an environment of intimacy, growth and a ministry partnership that will make a difference in the world.

Fellow husbands, before you start gloating and posting this verse on our wive’s mirror, or on the fridge, it’s now our turn to take a hit. Or we can end the message here??? 

Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Throughout the Bible, God says more about the quality of the husband’s leadership than He does about the wife’s submission. I personally think that the responsibility for a good marriage is put more on the husband. Bad marriages are usually the result of the husband’s inability to love his wife instead of the wife’s refusal to be submissive. I have not yet meet a wife who would not be willing to follow the leadership of a man who loves her unconditionally.

The word “husband” originally meant one who holds the house together. Another image is that of a gardener who cultivates the soil and keeps the weeds out. As husbands, our responsibility is to love our wives by holding things together and providing an atmosphere for growth and fruitfulness in our homes. That is why you would notice that, one of the requirements for a church leader, is one “who manages his household well. If he cannot manage his household, how will he manage a church”? 
As I was working on this message, during my research, I read a short story…

I heard about a husband who decided to make an appointment with a marriage counselor because his marriage was on rocky ground. His wife was hurt and upset and as she began to talk, she crossed her arms and recounted her loveless life. Tears filled her eyes and her lips started quivering. It wasn’t long before the wise counselor realized what the problem was. So without saying a word, he took her by the hands, looked in her eyes for a long time, smiled, and then gave her a big hug. 

A change immediately came over her face. She softened and her eyes lit up. Stepping back, the counselor said to her husband, “See, that’s all she needs.” The husband checked his planner and said, “Great. I’ll bring her back to see you every Tuesday and Thursday.”

Husbands… has it been awhile since you’ve hugged your wife and taken the time to listen to her? In a parallel passage in Ephesians 5, Paul devoted twice as many words telling husbands to love their wives as he did in telling wives to submit to their husbands.

Ephesians 5:25
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

That means we must love our wives to the point of dying for her. Church…are you seeing the pattern here? “Wives submit, as is fitting in the Lord. And husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church”. This type of love is called “agape love”, which is the type of love that is based on commitment, and not emotions or romance. If you’re here today and you no longer feel like you’re in love with your spouse, let me shoot straight with you. It doesn’t matter whether you feel love or not. Biblical love is a verb and its a command. Here’s a reminder of true love…

1 Corinthians 13:4-5
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil.

If you don’t have the feelings, it doesn’t mean that you can take a pass on your responsibility. Act with love, and the emotions will usually follow. A happy marriage does not come automatically because we are naturally self-centered and prideful. It’s like the woman who complained to her marriage counselor that when her husband won a trip for two to Hawaii, he went twice! Self centered, and prideful. Again..all done in the flesh, and not by the Spirit!

The last part of Colossians 3:19 challenges husbands to “not be harsh” with their wives. This phrase can also be translated, “Don’t become embittered [or resentful] toward her.”
That means that even if a wife is not perfectly submissive, the husband is not to become resentful. Husbands must prevent a sour attitude from taking root. The only other time this word is used in the New Testament, it refers to something bitter in taste.

Paul is telling husbands not to call their wives “honey” and then act like vinegar. As a good gardener who pulls out weeds, the husband must follow the challenge of Hebrews 12:15, which says…

Hebrews 12:15
15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;

By the way, this portion of scripture is under the heading of “Jesus, Founder and Perfecter of our Faith”

Next…Gods principle in parenting. Paul addresses the relationship between children and parents in verses 20-21…

Colossians 3:20-21
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Kids have a duty to listen and carry out the instructions of their parents. The verb here is in the present tense, indicating that such action is to be a habit and ongoing. When a child obeys his or her parents in everything, the Lord is pleased. Again, church…let us now look at what we have read so far…“Wives submit, as is fitting in the Lord. And husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church”. and now, Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

When a child obeys his or her parents in everything, the Lord is pleased. In addition, this 5th Commandment, according to Ephesians 6:1-4, carries with it a promise…

Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

Obedience brings God’s pleasure and comes with God’s promise. As such, children must be taught its importance. Parents must take seriously the task of training children to obey. Yes!!! They do need to be trained. Just like the sinful nature is so used to going against the will of God. Our children will also fall into the same pattern, if they are not taught! We need to be engaged and encouraging, but we must also expect obedience from our children. That’s why Colossians 3:21 gives fathers an awesome responsibility: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged”. 

In the Old Testament, Joshua was strong in his resolve for his family to serve the Lord…
Joshua 24:15
15 And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Serving the Lords comes with a great deal of obedience to the believer! Eli, on the other hand, was condemned because of his failure to restrain his sons (1 Samuel 3:11-14).

1 Samuel 3:11-14
11 Then the Lord said to Samuel: “Behold, I will do something in Israel at which both ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. 12 In that day I will perform against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. 13 For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them. 14 And therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever.”

While Paul uses the word “fathers” here to show the strategic role that dads play in parenting, the Greek word certainly includes mothers as well. I think one reason he does specify the role of the father is because dads have a propensity to cause bitterness in their children. In Paul’s day, the father was more like a dictator than a “daddy.” “Do as I say, and not as I do”! Paul had to be strict in his letter, there’s no playing around here. Each role that has been given to us from above, we need to take seriously, or face the consequence!

Ray Stedman, pastor, author. Lists three things that fathers do that can lead a child to discouragement.

1) Ignore them. A father who has no time for his children soon creates within them a 
  deep-seated resentment. Children in these homes can grow up to feel unloved and  
  unaccepted and may end up looking elsewhere to have their needs met. 
2) Indulge them. These types of fathers give their children everything they want. This is
  not good because a child who is indulged all the time can become restless, dissatisfied,  
  and spoiled.
3) Insult them. Some dads like to criticize their kids and even call them names. Sarcasm 
  and ridicule can knock the stuffing out of a child faster than anything else.

Fellow fathers, we must make it as easy as possible for our kids to obey! The way we treat them has a lot to do with their ability and willingness to fulfill their responsibility in the home. Ephesians 6:4 puts it this way…

Ephesians 6:4
4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Here’s a brief inventory that you can use to determine how well you’re doing in this area.

1. Do I believe that my children are not mine but rather a gift from God entrusted to me? 
2. Am I partnering with God to enable my children to become the men and women He  
  intends them to be?
3. Do they know how delighted and excited I am about them? Do they feel like I’m on  
  their side? 
4. Am I living under the leadership of Christ in my life so that my children will have a  
  model to follow? 
5. Am I calling my children to obedience and providing corrective guidance and  
  discipline that is both firm and fair?

In Conclusion:

In order to make “The Christian Home” work, we must work at them. 

Marriage: If your marital relationship is a bit rocky, remember this, if one spouse is willing to change, the marriage can change. Wives, you don’t have to wait for your husband to be more loving before you submit to him. That is not what God commands, as we have just read. In fact, as you respect him and affirm his significance, his love may start flowing. Likewise, husbands don’t have to hold out on love until they see their wives act more submissive. Again…that is also, not Gods commands. When you determine to love your wife as Christ loves the church, you will make it much easier for your wife to submit to your loving leadership. 

Wives: Tell your husband today that with God’s help you are going to follow his lead. If you can think of one thing that you’ve been holding out on, then mention it to him.

Husbands: Think of one thing you can do today to put your love into action, even if you don’t feel like doing it. If you have any bitterness toward your wife, confess it to her. 

Remember the message from last week, it still applies today…nothing has changed, it is still the Lords message.

Family. Determine today to take the steps you need to take, whether you are a parent or a child.

Don’t forget the verse that we just read from Joshua… “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Children: Practice first-time obedience. When your parent asks you to do something, or tells you not to do something, say something like this: “Yes, mom I will obey.” Instead of pouting or yelling, honor God and your parents by obeying. 

Parents: Ask your children this week what one thing you’ve been doing that causes them to be exasperated. Get alone with each child in order to reaffirm your love.
Everything we do in marriage, in the family, must be done in recognition that we have a Master over us, and that is our Lord Jesus Christ. As such our attitude should always be is to please Him, whether through submitting or loving, obeying or encouraging. Our master will reward us for our service to Him. Is Jesus supreme in your life? If He is, then He will alter you from the inside out, if you allow Him to.

Luke 11:28
28 But He said, “More than that, blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”